Unholy words

Time passed, your ashes were taken by the wind
The book is missing the eyes of a reader
The words written in your actions
Should not be followed
You're my book, with bad words written
All over you

You're the history of countless disillusions
(So well camouflaged, they were my dreams)
Those words worked like a mirror
It was me being used to fuel them to life

I wrote you with blood
From hurt, wounded, felt feelings
You are back to remember my failures

I wish I could get into your eyes
And wake up into the outside
To get out from myself
(Are there worlds besides my own?)

Open your eyes to the dawn,
You are dead
Your words have ordinary meanings
Just like them all

You're ordinary like people
Yet so different from me
Those poisoned values made you a thought of who to be

Such bright values are followed
Because of what people want but not because of what they feel

Unholy words
Like you and me
Shall be written on everybody's heads
But never in paper...

Estranged

You claim to love me
But you don't know me
Nobody but myself does

You want to have me
I want to leave me
Keep me yours

You're being adventurous
The ways you go can be tortuous
The field is unknown

The devil lives here
Possesses my actions
The good leaves here
But sometimes it's left behind

Today I saw the morning
Coming up to my windows
The rising sun felt fine
I was alive

Today I saw the evening
The moon killing the sun
The shadows taking over
Some darkness went out of me
Killing the mood around

I'll close my eyes tomorrow
And I won't see anything but you
Maybe the true me will be guided by you...

Vicious Circle

I will always end up in this vicious circle
I'm meant to destroy myself
To hurt myself
I'll be always struggling with my mind

Happiness arrived and I'm consuming it
Until it ends
I'm absorbing it
Poisoning it with my sorrows

Tomorrow won't be different
Past will be always repeated
That's my sad faith
A faith I made from bad experiences

Two people living in this body
This meaningless body that will become dust someday
Two people fighthing
Two people I don't have idea who they are

I'm tired
I'm full of energy
I'm tired of dying
I'm wanting to live

I'm here
With you my love
Which one of me do you love?

Poor you
Sad me
I' not free from myself

Why am I like this?
One time happy, another time sad
One time loving,another time hating
I'm so sure of nothing

If I can't live with myself
How will you?

You Will Rise Again

You were consumed by an atrocious wicked fire
Something unexplainable and with a devastating force
I saw your ashes and you life
All faded away

I ran through many lands and many oceans
But I didn’t find what I was looking for
Something wanted to grab me and didn’t let me go further
Where the reason lives

It was so clear and pure that I couldn’t see it
My eyes only know darkness
I’ll grab your ashes and build you again

As the phoenix from the flames, you will rise again

In the city of angels, you’ll achieve forgiveness and start again
Tomorrow will happen but remember it’s not going to be today
Look at the sunset and see that the dying light of the sun
The unachievable perfection, mother of all good things

As the phoenix from the flames, you will rise again

As I have promised tomorrow or today will happen
You’ll reborn again from the flames that took your life away
What killed you, now gives you life

How strange can this be?
The fire gave live now
You’ll rise again and fly far away

Never let your breath go away
The fire running through your veins damp
Don’t let this wicked world consume you
Fly far away and higher just like this fantastic firebird

You will rise again

Under a shell

I was too afraid to get out of my shell
I built my shell with shyness, pain and contradictions
Day after day I saw the world outside
Looked like fun
But I was buried under my shell

Once I looked to the bird flying
And I wished I could have wings too
But I can’t have them and my shell is too heavy to break free

I kept dreaming and dreaming
And thinking I could do it
But the other side couldn’t just forgive this
I’ve put myself down once again and got under the floor with the weight from my shell

Under the floor I saw nothing different, just the usual darkness and sad feeling
Everything was like forever
The bad side was controlling the good one

In another life I was a bird and someone cut my wings
In this life I’m someone hidden by a shell made of bad things
Maybe I’ll rise from the flames
Maybe I’ll get strength and get rid of my shell

There is a force that puts me down and down
I also put myself down and down
Why?
I still don’t know but I have to find out

Slowly I’m breaking free but the dark side will get me in again
And I’ll be the same I ever was
I don’t like it

I lost myself somewhere
Maybe that someone I killed still alive and came back to my body again
I died, I born again ,I died and I don’t know how I am

None of these lives were easy
I have the feeling that it’s getting worse
But I can’t trust in my feelings too much
And in myself neither

I built something to bury me, something to destroy me silently
Does it means I’m alive living my death?
I built something and I don’t know why

The shell is getting fragmentized, the erosion brought by time and hurt feelings is doing it
But sometimes it just gets strength again to be rebuilt by itself

Time, time
Devastating powerful force that can destroy and build things and people
Time
Too little, too big

I’ve got a map full of hints to find the treasure
I’ve got a thousand ways to cut the handcuffs that don’t let me escape to myself
I’ve got so many things but at the time I still don’t know how to use them

How sad this is, how stupid
How meaningful, how inspirational
Maybe this bad story will become into a good one

I’ve wrote so much this word, maybe
But never many words of certainness
And this might be the problem

This sleepless nights consume my thoughts
Made into poems
That will make myself heard

Tomorrow I’ll see the sun once again and feel the light on my face
Temporary feeling of clearness
Ephemeral moment of sanity and freedom
A moment in the day to feed my spirit

People say that under a mask everyone will tell who they are
But how can I do it?
I still don’t who I am
So I can’t hide
If you look at me you’ll see me raw
And you might not like what you’ll see

But for protection I got myself a shell
There isn’t much to see
Only me under something that hides the bright side of me

I wish there were more words to describe myself
I can be like a puzzle sometimes
Where is the missing piece you ask, and so do I
But I can also be clear as the light
And also dark as the night

Under a shell I’ve hidden my bright side
Life is not kind to no one, I lived much on the bad part
One day I’ll break free
One day I’ll see how beautiful life can be

Will you send me an angel?

You broke the law
The oath you made is now broken
You’ll be judged

You sold my insanity for who wanted to see
I found myself in some kind of emptiness
There was a place not filled
But I’d never want you here

The thunder came out
I fell on the floor wet by the rain
I found myself desperate
My tears became confused with the rain drops

I looked to the sky
I saw a million stars
The stars so bright give their light
If I can see light miles and miles away
Why can’t I see my own light?
The light closer to me

Once again you told me there wasn’t hope
And I believed
Why can’t I resist in hurt myself?
The dark side is controlling me

Where is my angel now?
Will you send me an angel?

Sometimes the angel, Sometimes the devil

I’m sometimes the angel
So divine
So pure and full of light
Eager to find a proposal to life

The angel that opens its’ wings and starts to fly
So sure that nothing wrong will get it
An angel sent to make sun light reach the eyes

But so much heat burnt its’ wings
The angel has fallen from the skies
And suddenly someone started to cry

I’m sometimes the devil
So wrong and so mad with life
Someone that makes its’ own life a hell
That burns the good

The angel lost its’ wings and can’t fly no more
The dream is so far as the sky
I can’t reach it now
There are no stairways to heaven, only highways to hell

The angel so sad about the lost closed itself into its’ own existence
The devil got mad, the fire reached everything
They all melted in the flames until their existence disappeared

I was the only one left
Abandoned to my mind and heart
Now I have to find my own meaning to life