Under a shell

I was too afraid to get out of my shell
I built my shell with shyness, pain and contradictions
Day after day I saw the world outside
Looked like fun
But I was buried under my shell

Once I looked to the bird flying
And I wished I could have wings too
But I can’t have them and my shell is too heavy to break free

I kept dreaming and dreaming
And thinking I could do it
But the other side couldn’t just forgive this
I’ve put myself down once again and got under the floor with the weight from my shell

Under the floor I saw nothing different, just the usual darkness and sad feeling
Everything was like forever
The bad side was controlling the good one

In another life I was a bird and someone cut my wings
In this life I’m someone hidden by a shell made of bad things
Maybe I’ll rise from the flames
Maybe I’ll get strength and get rid of my shell

There is a force that puts me down and down
I also put myself down and down
Why?
I still don’t know but I have to find out

Slowly I’m breaking free but the dark side will get me in again
And I’ll be the same I ever was
I don’t like it

I lost myself somewhere
Maybe that someone I killed still alive and came back to my body again
I died, I born again ,I died and I don’t know how I am

None of these lives were easy
I have the feeling that it’s getting worse
But I can’t trust in my feelings too much
And in myself neither

I built something to bury me, something to destroy me silently
Does it means I’m alive living my death?
I built something and I don’t know why

The shell is getting fragmentized, the erosion brought by time and hurt feelings is doing it
But sometimes it just gets strength again to be rebuilt by itself

Time, time
Devastating powerful force that can destroy and build things and people
Time
Too little, too big

I’ve got a map full of hints to find the treasure
I’ve got a thousand ways to cut the handcuffs that don’t let me escape to myself
I’ve got so many things but at the time I still don’t know how to use them

How sad this is, how stupid
How meaningful, how inspirational
Maybe this bad story will become into a good one

I’ve wrote so much this word, maybe
But never many words of certainness
And this might be the problem

This sleepless nights consume my thoughts
Made into poems
That will make myself heard

Tomorrow I’ll see the sun once again and feel the light on my face
Temporary feeling of clearness
Ephemeral moment of sanity and freedom
A moment in the day to feed my spirit

People say that under a mask everyone will tell who they are
But how can I do it?
I still don’t who I am
So I can’t hide
If you look at me you’ll see me raw
And you might not like what you’ll see

But for protection I got myself a shell
There isn’t much to see
Only me under something that hides the bright side of me

I wish there were more words to describe myself
I can be like a puzzle sometimes
Where is the missing piece you ask, and so do I
But I can also be clear as the light
And also dark as the night

Under a shell I’ve hidden my bright side
Life is not kind to no one, I lived much on the bad part
One day I’ll break free
One day I’ll see how beautiful life can be